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          Trained in   Collaborative Divorce sm  model                

 

 

SOMEDAY, MAYBE 

THERE WILL EXIST A WELL-INFORMED,  WELL-CONSIDERED, AND YET FERVENT PUBLIC CONVICTION THAT THE MOST DEADLY OF ALL POSSIBLE SINS IS THE  MUTILATION OF A CHILD’S SPIRIT.

  ERIK ERIKSON

Mediation is a Process                The mediator will encourage all parties to discuss and negotiate a settlement based upon his/her own standard of fairness and his/her own feelings about what is best for him/her.

Mediation is a confidential process to help people resolve disputes. The mediator is a trained, impartial and neutral third party. The mediator helps people look at their common difficulty, recognize and consider their alternatives, reach mutually acceptable wise solutions, and commit to their agreement in writing.

Allow a reasonable time frame for the mediation process to work. Spend as much time as you would buying a house or a car.   

SO!

Why does mediation work? Mediation works because . . .  

Mediation saves money and improves relationships and communication

Mediation is private and confidential and doesn't involve everyone knowing your situation

Mediation is efficient and peaceful

Mediation is informal and at your convenience

Mediation allows for self-determination -- it is your process 

Legal Representation

The mediator is not a lawyer and doesn't represent either party. Effective legal representation is required and it is strongly recommended that each party retain legal counsel of his/her own choice no later than at the conclusion of the mediation process.

Family Mediation Service recommends retaining legal counsel at the beginning of the mediation process. By doing this, each party will have a better understanding of their legal rights and responsibilities and will avoid being surprised by legal issues or concerns raised by their attorney after assuming that all decisions have been finalized.

Mediation can...

Help both parents continue their relationship with the children

Help both parents explain the divorce to the children and answer their questions

Help both parents deal with problems the children are having as a result of the divorce

Help both parents cooperate during and after the divorce

Help both parents understand the emotional needs of their children

Help both parents make decisions about living arrangements and how time will be shared with their children 

The Children’s Bill of Rights  

Rights of Children  

Children have the right to have two parents; and   to love each parent without fear of anger or hurt from the other parent\

Children have the right to be free from hearing their parents' personal battles or being used as a spy, messenger or bargaining chip

Children have the right not to hear parents criticize, condemn, or complain about the other parent or parent problems 

Why do some children do poorly?  

Continued warfare and fighting

Ongoing court hearings and litigation

The children are in fear of abandonment ("if one parent left me, the other one will")

Some children assume the responsibility to keep the peace and in the process lose their childhood

Parents wanting the children's approval fail to set limits with children. Children need limits and boundaries to help them feel secure. However, the limit setting process after divorce is different. 

  CHILD SUPPORT, PROPERTY AND DEBT

Who  and how your child is cared for are two of the most important decisions you will make for the rest of your lives. 

Is your child going to do well 3-20 years from now???

What you do now predicts this.

Try in every way you can to not discuss the child support, property and debt issues until the child issues are established.  It is damaging to establish a child support agreement based on how much child support you will be required to pay. Your child is precious beyond price.  Do not equate a price to your child.  It is damaging.

How your child is cared for is in no way related to child support, debt or property issues.  

Where your child will flourish........and be most stable and consistent

  • educationally 

  • friendships

  • socially

  • extracurricular activities

............should be the determining factor in making decisions concerning  your time with your child.

Click here to go to library site for child support information

 LIBRARY AND BOOK STORE 

Utilize our FREE Co-parenting and Relationship Groups

Parent Support Groups, Relationship Groups, Co-Parenting Groups and Mediation Orientation These are educational meetings that detail healthy co-parenting and relationship INFORMATION. In addition, individual meetings are available that provide healthy parenting and relationship information. 

 

FREE GROUPS offered from Family Mediation project in appreciation of Taos, Santa Fe and surrounding communities support

Tuesday group is at 5 pm  

in Taos

with David Stewart L.P.M.H.C.

 

Wednesday group is at 5 pm  

in Taos

with David Stewart L.P.M.H.C.

 

At our offices

FREE ORIENTATIONS TO MEDIATION ARE HELD DAILY

Attend our free orientation to mediation any day Monday -Friday.  Call for more information.  Come watch videos on the effects of divorce on children and how to mediate success into your children's lives.

THE FOLLOWING IS SPECIFIC TO  

 Domestic Violence  

Click here to go to library site for information

 LIBRARY AND BOOK STORE 

 

Domestic Violence Cases 

Domestic violence is a growing epidemic in this country and all of society is beginning to feel its effects, not just women and children in violent homes.  Judges are beginning to realize that children first seen as victims in domestic violence cases return to court years later as juvenile offenders and adult criminal defendants. Law enforcement officials report that the largest number of calls they respond to are domestic violence cases.

American Bar Association
Commission on Domestic Violence
740 15th Street, NW
9th Floor
Washington, DC 20005-1009

Phone: 202/662-1737/1744
Fax: 202/662-1032
E-Mail: abacdv@abanet.org

www.abanet.org/domviol/cdv.html

Dissolution of marriage is one of the most stressful times in a person’s life. The actions and reactions of those involved are often extreme. One or both of the parties may be fearful that the divorce proceeding will cause the other to become angry, vindictive or harmful. Also, an individual may need protection to prevent a spouse from concealing, destroying or spending marital assets during the duration of the divorce action. Temporary restraining orders and preliminary injunctions are direct orders from the court that are intended to protect a person from these types of actions. Temporary restraining orders are often granted in divorce cases for these reasons.

A person who is a victim of domestic violence or reasonably believes he or she is about to become a victim can, in most states, file for a legal injunction. Such an injunction is often an emergency one and offers immediate protection for the victim against the abuser. Such injunctions are usually in the form of a temporary restraining order, which orders the abuser to stay away from the victim and their children and from entering the family’s home. In most areas, a temporary restraining order is registered with the local police so that immediate action can be taken if the abuser violates it. Violation of such an injunction often results in criminal prosecution.

Restraining orders are temporary and, therefore, only effective for a certain period of time. After that, a full court hearing will be held.

The law believes that a victim has every right to leave a physically abusive spouse, lover, or other person. In addition, nearly all experts say abused victims should leave home and find somewhere safe to stay. Victims who stay risk their health and their lives.

Many communities offer shelters for battered spouses and children until a more permanent arrangement can be made. Details on these shelters are available from the police, family courts, local newspapers, attorney’s or women’s organizations. As soon as possible, to protect yourself now and in the future, you should report physical abuse to the police, get medical attention, take photographs of any visible injuries, keep medical records, and write down what happened.

Restraining Orders may be obtained, but they alone cannot prevent abuse in every case. The police, attorneys and the courts are there to assist you and protect you and your rights, but you also need to protect yourself.

Mediation services are available for domestic violence cases.

Domestic violence cases require sensitive safety considerations. These cases are mediated only by persons certified in domestic violence mediation and with years of experience with domestic violence cases.

A shuttle process of mediation is used.

Participants shall never be in the same place at the same time. 

Mediation can assist in getting agreements regarding:

How the children will be parented. 

How both parents will access information regarding exposure of children to domestic violence. 

How to insure children and parents get the help they need.

How to insure safe exchanges of the children. 

How to insure that the mediator is communicating the needs of the children to both parents.   Mediation can assist in communication that otherwise requires court dates and legal fees.

Please request more information regarding domestic violence mediations. We follow the Duluth and Amends model for domestic violence cases.

http://duluth-model.org/

 

http://www.amend-co.org/

CLICK SCALES  TO GO MEDIATION FORM TO FORM THAT WILL RECORD YOUR SITUATION REGARDING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE