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          Trained in   Collaborative Divorce sm  model                

 

 

SOMEDAY, MAYBE 

THERE WILL EXIST A WELL-INFORMED,  WELL-CONSIDERED, AND YET FERVENT PUBLIC CONVICTION THAT THE MOST DEADLY OF ALL POSSIBLE SINS IS THE  MUTILATION OF A CHILD’S SPIRIT.

  ERIK ERIKSON

How do I ... ?   help my child and myself 

WITH   CO-PARENTING

      

Please feel free to discuss the concepts,

principles, ideas and skills presented

with friends and family.

 

NEVER EVER

FOR ANY REASON

HAVE THE KIDS CARRY MESSAGES

BETWEEN PARENTS

 

DO NOT

DISCUSS CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS

(FROM EITHER POINT OF VIEW)

WITH THE CHILD

 

DO NOT

PLACE BLAME TO THE CHILDREN

 

DO

STATE THAT BOTH PARENTS

LOVE THE CHILD

 

DO

EXPLAIN THAT IT IS NOT

THE CHILD’S FAULT

 

DO

EXPLAIN THAT

THE PARENTS DIVORCED EACH OTHER

NOT THE CHILDREN

 

THE CHILDREN

HAVE A RIGHT … A RIGHT …  RIGHT

TO AN INDEPENDENT RELATIONSHIP

WITH BOTH PARENTS

 

WHAT IS IN THE PARENTS’ BEST INTEREST

IS NOT ALWAYS IN THE

CHILD’S BEST INTEREST

 

DO NOT

PUT THE CHILDREN IN THE POSITION

OF HAVING TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE PARENTS

HAVING TO TAKE SIDES

 

NEVER EVER FOR ANY REASON

DISCUSS WITH YOUR CHILDREN

HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT

 

DO

ENCOURAGE THE CHILDREN TO

DISCUSS THEIR FEELINGS

 

DO

VALIDATE THOSE FEELINGS

 

NEVER EVER

LET YOUR CHILDREN HEAR YOU DISCUSS

YOUR NEGATIVE FEELINGS ABOUT YOUR EX

 

DO NOT

TELL THE KIDS YOUR TROUBLES

FIND ADULTS TO TALK TO,

FIND ADULT COUNSEL

 

PSYCHOLOGICALLY !

TELLING A CHILD THAT ONE PARENT IS NOT OKAY

PUTS A CHILD IN THE POSITION OF

PROVING YOU WRONG OR

TRYING TO FIX A NOT-OKAY PARENT

 

DO NOT

TELL THE CHILDREN

THAT ONE OF THEIR PARENTS IS NOT OKAY

DO

TELL CHILDREN

THAT THEY MAY HAVE A DIFFERENT

RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHER PARENT

THAN YOU DO

AND YOU SUPPORT A LOVING RELATIONSHIP

WITH THE OTHER PARENT

The Children’s Bill of Rights

(from the Children’s Rights Council)

All children shall enjoy the following inalienable rights:

  1. The right to be treated as important human beings, with unique feelings, ideas and desires and not as a source of argument between parents.
  2. The right to a sense of security and belonging derived from a loving and nurturing environment which shelters them from harm.
  3. The right to a continuing relationship with both parents and the freedom to receive love from and express love for both.
  4. The right to "listening parents".
  5. The right to express love and affection for each parent without having to stifle that love because of disapproval by the other parent.
  6. The right to grow and flourish in an atmosphere free of exploitation, abuse and neglect.
  7. The right to know that their parents’ decision to divorce or separate is not their responsibility and that they will still be able to live with each parent.
  8. The right to continuing care and guidance from both parents where they can be educated in mind, nourished in spirit, and developed in body, in an environment of unconditional love.
  9. The right to honest answers to questions about the changing family relationships.
  10. The right to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without one parent degrading the other.
  11. The right to have a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without being placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.
  12. The right to have one parent not undermine time with the other parent by suggesting tempting alternatives or by threatening to withhold activities with the other parent as a punishment for the children’s wrongdoing.
  13. The right to be able to experience regular and consistent parental contact and the right to know the reason for not having regular contact.
  14. The right to be a kid and to be insulated from the conflict and problems of parents. The right to be taught, according to their developmental levels, to understand values, to assume responsibility for their actions, and to cope with the just consequences of their choices.
  15. The right to be able to participate in their own destiny.

 Ratify these rights for your children and you will give them better protection than any law could ever provide.

 Putting Kids First: Walking Away From Marriages and Relationships Without Walking Over The Kids, by Michael Oddenino, attorney for the Children’s Rights Council.

ISBN 1-884-886-2039.

 

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Last modified: September 10, 2009 
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