Trained in Collaborative Divorce sm model
THERE WILL EXIST A WELL-INFORMED, WELL-CONSIDERED, AND YET FERVENT PUBLIC CONVICTION THAT THE MOST DEADLY OF ALL POSSIBLE SINS IS THE MUTILATION OF A CHILDíS SPIRIT.
patterns and characteristics are offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation.
They may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand
codependence and may aid those who have been in recovery a while in determining
what traits still need attention and transformation.
have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.
perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well being of
have difficulty making decisions.
judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough".
embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.
not ask others to meet my needs or desires.
value othersí approval of my thinking, feelings and behaviors over my own.
not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or othersí anger.
very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.
extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
value othersí opinions and feelings more than my own and am often afraid to
express differing opinions and feelings of my own.
aside by own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.
accept sex when I want love.
believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
attempt to convince others of what they "should" think and how they
become resentful when others will not let me help them.
freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.
lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.
sex to gain approval and acceptance.
have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.
ALL OR NOTHING
Looking at things in absolute black and white categories,
Viewing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of
"Always" and "Never" thinking.
Dwelling on one negative detail, so your vision of an entire
situation becomes dark and cloudy, like the drop of ink that discolors an entire
glass of water.
Insisting that your own positive qualities or accomplishments
"donít count". Difficulty with accepting compliments.
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
Mind Reading: You assume that you know what someone else is
thinking or feeling, and you react as if it were true.
Fortune Telling: You predict a future where things canít change
or turn out badly. Creating your own Soap Opera.
Blowing things out of proportion, shrinking your importance. Role
playing the "King or Queen of Tragedy".
Reasoning from feelings. "I feel like a failure, therefore, I
am a failure."
"Should", "must", "ought to" and
"have to" come from a parent or authority figure. "Should"
means "I donít want to, but THEY are making me." Adults donít have
Identifying with your shortcomings and mistakes, calling yourself
names like "stupid", "loser", "jerk" or
"fool", instead of pinpointing the cause of the problem so you can
learn from it, or try to correct it.
Blaming yourself for something you werenít entirely responsible for, or how someone else feels. Conversely, you may blame other people, external events, or fate, while overlooking how your own attitudes and behavior may have contributed to a problem.
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Last modified: September 10, 2009
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